Persevering

Every time i go out, i learn something, whether weakness or strength. If it's a new route or a route i've been on a bunch of times, it seems as though something is always revealed. A lot of the time is can be a humbling experience, and sometimes it can be an experience of perfection. These moments vary from time to time...but i guess that's what it's all about...allowing those moments in and using them for the greater good of your goal(s). And hopefully, someday, at some point, you'll get the opportunity to put to work everything you've learned, all the experiences you've had, to persevere past your limit.

This year has been a totally different year of climbing for me. It's the first year that i've actually tried to climb and climb past my "limit". What a trip this has been. It's forced me into positions that are totally out of my comfort level. During a day of training, my coach began to push me in this area "comfort", as he recognized that my climbing was "too comfortable". The result of this process, me taking a huge whipper off of a tiny icicle falling 25ft top speed. It was cool. The point: to stop climbing comfortably and push past your "safety blanket". We're getting there in this area. If you want to push in your sport, you can't stay at a "comfortable level". You need to put down your blanky and give 'er.

From the moment i heard about it, saw pictures, and picked up my first set of tools, I wanted to climb Musashi. It's a beautiful overhanging roof route that is sustained at a horizontal angle leading out to a thing dagger of ice. It's amazing. For years, this route was the staple in the Mixed climbing world. It was revolutionary to the sport, and is still sought out by many of the top athletes in the world. I'm here now, motivated more then ever to climb this route. I've been at the ciniplex (where musashi is) a few times, even dabbled on the route a couple of times, but never with any level of skill to make a good go at it. Again, I'm here now, and ready.

Climbing at your limit is a mental battle. You never know when things will align just right for that moment of perfection, for sending a route at your limit. Things need to go right, the whole way. How often does that happen? Well, sometimes it can be a common theme, and sometimes, it can happen very little. But, to make up for those moments where you're lacking confidence...you need to dig deep mentally and just breathe. Three days ago i stood at the first bolt, staring at the first hold, thinking about my first move. Knowing you're ready is one thing, but telling your body to move at the same time...it's tough.

Moving through the moves, things are going well, suddenly my arms start to fatigue...and fast. I'm hanging now, dangling 30ft off the deck. Wondering what the heck happened. Lots of training, doing twice the routes length as far as number of moves go. I was ready, i had the endurance. I had the confidence. I was confused, pissed off, disappointed, and mentally drained.

When you get psyched about a route, especially when it's at a higher level of difficulty, your mental state can often step into, "train 'til you puke" mode. This isn't good. You'll train harder, longer, pushing beyond what your body can handle. I think this is what I did, not knowing it but only seeing the end result - sending the route. It's a process. If you keep your eyes solely focused on the send, and not the process, you'll potentially miss what you might be doing wrong along the way. For me, I hung there with a sore elbow, a sore shoulder, and super tired. This shouldn't have been the way. But it was. And of course, right away in my head i said, "guess i have to come back again". I was psyched to tap into that state right away as it was a positive place to be in. I don't want to give up, until i get it. It's hard though, you know? The strain of traveling, how wearing that can be on your body, the driving, the flying, the cost, the restless nights, snoring people, lack of food, or good food, the same road, time after time, going back to your project, especially in this case where it's a 4.5hr drive, it can be so tiring. Another thought in my head, at the same time, "how am i going to explain this to my wife?". This is always a tough one. I need to keep in mind that climbing is not my #1 priority. It's hard of course as all i can ever think of is climbing, but thank goodness i have an understanding wife.

When things don't go right, when things don't pan out as you had hoped..it's in those moments that can define your climbing. It's in those moments that can guide you to either sending the route or hanging up your spurs. For me, i've found this year to be different in that when something doesn't go as well as planned, yeah...it can suck...big time, but it seems as though these miss fortunes are actually blessings in disguise. It seems as though moments like these just motivate me more. Although, on a side note, something that can sometimes distract me is climbing for the wrong reasons. A lot of climbers have support, which does make achieving goals easier at times (cost of trips, gear etc), but when you allow your climbing to be guided by, "what will my sponsors think?", at that moment you need to step back and ask yourself why you're doing it. Perspective is important as it can guide decisions that can lead to being on top of the world or not being in this world any longer. Anyways, so what's next...well, recover for a few days, train for a few days...and head back to Musashi to send. It's not over yet.

Old Gear
I've spent a few days now at the Ciniplex, working on my project. A lot of the routes that were put in this cave were set years ago. Now, typically with gear that's set in place, usually lasts for quite a long time...but something to know about this cave, is that in the summer it's pretty much filled with water. Panther falls explodes over the front of it essentially filling the cave with heavy spray, thus torchering the hanging draws on all the routes. The most recent days i spent in the cave, we took a closer look at all the draws and there's only word to describe them: SCAAARREEEYYY! So needless to say, we spent a little time re-setting the draws with new ones.

Part of being a climber sets a certain responsibility outside of actually climbing. Thousands of climbers are, every day, investing into routes by putting up bolts, leaving draws, setting anchors, etc. and it's not easy. It's draining, physically and financially...but it's about giving back, setting the way, providing opportunity. As a climber, if you have the means, and you see something unsafe, replace it, so that the next climber trying to send, can send without worry of being unsafe.