New thoughts, new places, new focus. Climbing has gotten deeper over the past while. Things have been changing, slowly but surely...realizations have been coming to the front line, allowing me to see how much deeper the rabbit hole goes.
I've been working on this climb for over a year. There's just something about it that kept bringing me back for a good spanking. Finally, this year, i was getting real close. So close i could taste it infact. However, it was still beating me. The route took on a different force against me. It enveloped me to the point that i stopped climbing (in a sense). I would show up to the crag, warm up (sorta) and then try to send. My focus was distorted. My rhythm was shaken. My climbing actually began to deteriorate. I was no longer training at the crag or having fun, only narrow minded stubbornness. This all lead to injury. Recently i was pushing so hard for this route that i ended up injuring myself. Retarded.
I've been working through a book that bases a lot of its content on mental toughness. This is something that has certainly been known as my nemesis. Working with Will Gadd (as my coach), he has definitely brought this topic into the light for me. It's tough, facing yourself in the mirror, truly seeing where you are with your desired passion. But once you come to accept your "current location", then it's really on. I can relate that to God and how He tells us that things are better in the light, then in the dark, as things in the darkness will dragg us down, hinder us, and eventually disable us permanently. Knowing and accepting where i'm at mentally has allowed me to really start working on my "disabilities". Climbing, and becoming a better climber can only happen when you focus on your weaknesses. It's your weaknesses that need focus and neglecting such things will cause you to platuea.
My whole life i've always thought that i could get by without really putting in a full effort. I've never really committed to all aspects of a thought up and dreamed of goal. When coaches have told me that i need to do certain things...nope...never really committed to all of it. Always did it half ass due to laziness. I liked the idea of most things...being able to attach myself to the label of a climber, or a kayaker, or a mountain biker. Sure, i was kinda good at theset things...but only because i'm a fairly fit dude who didn't mind puttin' his balls on the line. But it catches up to you. It starts to show when you start to push harder. You end up falling, almost drowning, getting hurt, etc. But all of a sudden, something happened. Climbing sparked something so big inside of me that i'm now willing to committ. I'm willing to listen to my coach. I'm willing to dig deep, to choose the red pill.
In working with Will, he's opened my mind to my thoughts and focus. Something really set in when talking about goals. When he asked me what my goals were...i said that i wanted to win a certain event. Right away, he told me to get off that horse as it will only hinder me. Basically he said...try not to show up to an event with the frame of mind, "i want to win". Instead, show up to an event fit enough to compete. IT makes total sense. You can't control what happens at an event. A hold can blow off, ice can break, tools can slip or break. All out of our control . But here's the thing, training your mind to think, "i'm strong and fit enough to compete", that's enough. Don't even think about "winning". Focus on having fun, climbing, and going as far as you can. I'm psyched.
I have a lot of work to do. I've been told where i need to be...and man alive...it's gonna be a tough road. I"m pumped to push, to train, to eat right, to run, stretch...all of it. However, I do know that still want my focus to be on God, then family...you know, then a bit of a work and climbing. My priorities need to stay in check. It's important.
I'm back into training mode. I need to focus on getting stronger, working on climbing...lots of routes, specific routes, not worrying about sending all the time. Gosh there's a lot to learn.
I love climbing...i love all parts of it...even the deep stuff that keeps you on the ground.
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